I realize it has been a long time since I last posted an entry, so here goes.
Time flies when I am at work because there is always something to do, and because I am relatively new, there are tons for me to pick up and lots for me to learn. Which is good. Because it makes work more interesting and enjoyable on the whole. Nevermind the ridiculously small workstation, nevermind the annoyingly slow PC, nevermind the lack of ‘atas infrastructure’, nevermind I work in a freaking shophouse. Oh nevermind the low wage too. At least the job in itself is currently a lot more satisfying than when I was sitting on a Herman Miller chair inside the prestigious One Raffles Quay building.
Do I sound sacarstic? Or maybe a little sore? I hope not, because that is not how I feel.
I will not deny that there have been fleeting moments of unsettledness where I wondered if I made a really bad decision. There were split seconds where I wondered if I was being naive in thinking that money is not the most important thing in life. There were more than a few moments where I hated the fact that I can no longer walk into Prada or LV and buy the bag I covet without feeling like I was being incredibly irresponsible with my finances. And there were definitely times where I think to myself “I so miss my Herman Miller chair”.
Yet I know that if I am still where I was, I will not be happy. Work will just be something that I have to get through with, being in office will be nothing more than a necessary routine, and I doubt there will be real pride and satisfaction in getting a task done.
But I am not sure if I am that much happier now. For sure I am not worse off (in terms of mental and emotional happiness). But I honestly have no idea if the higher level of satisfaction right now more than offsets the trade offs and sacrifices I made.
I am not unhappy, not in the general sense at least.
But I also don’t know how happy I am, if at all.
And sometimes I wonder, is it really about this job thing, or something more?
What exactly is the problem?
